So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
