i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
