Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
