it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize