Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize