i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
