Pants 0. Shit 1.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
