Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
