WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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