Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
