why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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