I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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