So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
