had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
