i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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