just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So squirting runs in the family.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
