You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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