you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
