she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
