is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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