he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
