let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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