the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
