saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize