I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
