just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
