My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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