the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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