Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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