Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
