i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
