hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
