yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize