you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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