he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
