i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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