Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
