I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
