They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love you. Go after that dick
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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