Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
