i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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