So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
