She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
