you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
