Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize