I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
