normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
vagina is talking i cant
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
