my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you bring me the toilet please
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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