An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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