i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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