omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize