He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
