Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
