Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize