he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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