I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
