about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
