I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize