i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
