um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
