I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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