fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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