bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
