Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
