Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
