lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
