I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
