We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
