What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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