Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize