he wants to bone in the snuggie
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
