Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
