the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I look better un-naked...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
