I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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