3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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