Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
