On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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