I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
