addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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