Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
