I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
