I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
