his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
handjob tips. give me some.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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