Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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