fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
