I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I still have a little drunk in my system
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
