You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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