I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
