got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you had me at cake vodka
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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