He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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