begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
