I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
