I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
