saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
