Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
