so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
