One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
