Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
