great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
