she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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