I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
