my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
