do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize