The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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