you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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