We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think your dad took our porno
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
