every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
