turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
