I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize