you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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