I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
