i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
